whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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