i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize