Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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