This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
