I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
