i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
