i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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