I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
