I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
