like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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