i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
