i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Less talking, more tequila
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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