Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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