i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
