I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize