saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
