i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
