she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
