apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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