Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
