yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So apparently I’m into choking now
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
