I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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