New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
