Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
