Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
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