So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
