If that was your dad, he is hot
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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