dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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