I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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