I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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