wanna go halves on a baby?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
