People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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