dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Randomize
