Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
