i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
