I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
