Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
