I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
