I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
