We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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