i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
