So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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