Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
