After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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