My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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