if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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