i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
