i need an iv and a liver transplant
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just pee around me
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
