no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
