using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
