He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
ok first of all what the fuck
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