if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
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