you guys were way drunker than both of me
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
