Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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