Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
