If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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