We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
