she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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