his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
