Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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