She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
