You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
