Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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