don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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