I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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