Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just threw up on my dentist
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
